This has been one interesting week. I’m more calmer today than I was earlier this week when I posted my last entry. Yesterday was a turning point for me. Today, however, I hurt.
What happened last weekend. I realized I’ve been smoking almost two packs of cigarettes per day since Friday. When I went to the store on Sunday to buy more, I hadn’t known what I was doing until I bought more cigarettes and I started mentally counting the little buggers. Sunday night I had the dream that I’m not sure was a dream or not, or whatever. I couldn’t move my body for the shooting pain going down my arm. Yet, when I came fully awake my arm was aching and wasn’t in this enormous pain.
I don’t know what the hell happened but by Monday morning, I went from over 20 cigarettes to three per day. I walked around in a daze for the next couple of days, while my body is going through this metamorphosis and my mind is spacey as hell. I felt as though I was operating outside of my body.
Today, my mind is lucid. I freaking hurt, though. My stomach has been cramping up. My throat feels closed up. It hasn’t stop me from complaining to anyone listening that I wanted a cigarette. I know I can’t go cold turkey but I’m determined to stop smoking. Tomorrow, I’m going to go without.
