Do you know what failure feels like? It’s a godawful feeling. I can tell you this. As I’m writing, I feel such failure towards doing a good job at work. The pain of failure is physical and this is what I want to describe. I’m not sure I want to say what is causing the failure because it’s personal. Perhaps therein lies the problem.
My throat is so tight just to swallow causes an ache. My head feels huge on top of my shoulders. My chest constricts with a sense of pressure that isn’t really there but feels as though it is. Writing this down, rather, typing strains the muscles at the back of my shoulders. I have an ache on the right side of my lower chest. Muted tingling sensations crawl up and down my toes and my fingers. I believe that is stress I’m putting on a body with health issues. I’m walking at a languid pace my body wants to fold over.
All of this is failure because I cannot complete one single task at work. All of them at various stages of completion. Then I’m yanked off one to go spearheading along into a new one. No one is satisfied. Performance appears low. Yet, the hours stretched long beyond the typical workday. The most important job, however, is completing documents for the upcoming meeting in which I barely can get a handle on due to other interfering commitments. It all seems an impossible task.
Complications: home life is less than desirable.
